Why would a woman be offended by a compliment to her husband for playing with their children?
Because when the compliment is made to a Black father by a White onlooker 鈥� and when White fathers who are playing nearby with their children go uncomplimented 鈥� the message is that you鈥檙e 鈥渃ontradicting the ,鈥� writes The Washington Post鈥檚 Michelle Singletary in 鈥淪incerely, Michelle,鈥� on personal finance.
To explain her reaction, Singletary 鈥� whose husband received that compliment on a vacation a while back 鈥� cites the work of Teachers College鈥檚 Derald Wing Sue, Professor of Psychology & Education, a leading expert on microaggressions, which Sue describes as 鈥渢he everyday slights, insults, indignities, put-downs and allegations that people of color experience in their day-to-day interactions with well-intentioned White [people].鈥� Microaggressions鈥� power, according to Sue, 鈥渓ies in their invisibility to the perpetrator, who is unaware that he or she has engaged in a behavior that threatens and demeans the recipient of such a communication.鈥�
[Read a story about Derald Wing Sue in 911爆料网 Today magazine.]
It鈥檚 the White customer who assumes a Black shopper at a luxury boutique is a clerk,鈥� she writes. 鈥淥r a salesperson in Zurich redirecting Oprah Winfrey to cheaper handbags when she was inquiring about a $38,000 purse. It鈥檚 the so-called 鈥榗ompliment鈥� that a Black person 鈥榮peaks so well.鈥�
鈥� Michelle Singletary, Washington Post columnist
Singletary elaborates on that description. 鈥淚t鈥檚 the White customer who assumes a Black shopper at a luxury boutique is a clerk,鈥� she writes. 鈥淥r a salesperson in Zurich redirecting Oprah Winfrey to cheaper handbags when she was inquiring about a $38,000 purse. It鈥檚 the so-called 鈥榗ompliment鈥� that a Black person 鈥榮peaks so well.鈥� Joe Biden found himself having to apologize to then-presidential candidate Barack Obama for saying, 鈥榊ou got the first mainstream African American who is articulate and bright and clean.鈥欌��
In an interview with Singletary, Sue says his research indicates that such experiences not only invalidate 鈥測our experience of reality鈥� but also have 鈥渕ajor psychological impact on what we call subjective well-being.鈥�
Our research indicates that not only is it invalidating your experience of reality, but it has major psychological impact on what we call subjective well-being.
鈥� Derald Wing Sue, Professor of Psychology & Education
Furthermore, such stereotypes are simply unfounded. For example, Singletary points out, 鈥渆ven when Black fathers don鈥檛 live with their children, they are more involved than White fathers in helping their children with homework, according to a study by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. And among the Black fathers who do live with their children, a higher percentage of them bathe, dress or diaper their kids compared with White dads, the study found.
鈥淚 have a simple request for White vacationers and theatergoers鈥� post-COVID, Singletary concludes. 鈥淧lease stop staring at us. Don鈥檛 compliment us for doing what comes naturally.鈥�